Mediation is a process by which a trained neutral party assists litigants or disputants (mediation is used in the wide variety of disputed matters) to find a resolution to their dispute on their own terms. Because most of the parties in a family law case are self-represented, mediation is particularly critical. Except for “user-friendly” courts such as the small claims courts, the court system is a bewildering labyrinth of forms, rules, law and procedures that creates distress even in well experienced attorneys. People without the assistance of an attorney almost always run into legal barriers that may seem insurmountable. Without some type of guide through the system, substantive rights may be forever lost because the individual does not understand the process.

When a couple decides to dissolve their marriage and turns to a complete stranger (the Family Court judge) to make life-changing decisions the parties are unable or unwilling to make on their own, they are taking serious risks. Family Court judges work hard to rule in the best interests of the parties and, particularly, the children in a divorce. However, given the small amount of time they have to devote to each case in the overwhelming number of cases they have to consider, not surprisingly, they frequently make rulings devastating to one or even both parties. A Judge once addressed a couple in which one of the spouses was accused of being unfaithful. Allegedly, that conduct went on for many years before the victim spouse discovered the lie. During heated argument over who was telling the truth on a particular issue, the judge looked at the victim spouse and said, “It took you 20 years to figure out that your spouse was lying to you. Do you expect me to determine who’s telling the truth as between the two of you in the five minutes we have?” Obviously, most courtrooms are not the ideal place for the revelation of truth or, even, the presumption of justice.

Family Law mediation involves a well-trained mediator experienced in family law, the courts in the area and, ideally, has some sense of the temperament and tendencies of the family law judges. The keys, however, are formal mediation training and experience coupled with solid family law experience. In order for mediation to be efficiently productive, the parties (the disputing spouses) must want a resolution of their case. If all of those elements exist, a skilled mediator can resolve the case.

Because family law, at least in California, is “form-driven” with many statutory requirements (individual laws affecting the divorce), a mediator experienced in family law is essential if he/she will be successful in assisting the parties to reach a resolution and have a judgment entered. While mediators do not provide legal advice nor do they provide any “advocacy” to the mediating parties, it is always helpful for the mediator to know the procedures required in the local courts because unless all of the “I’s and T’s” are appropriately treated, cases can get stalled when a judgment is submitted for signing (the Judgment is the document that divides the property, identifies and resolve child issues, defines child and/or spousal [alimony] support and acts as the instrument that records the dissolution of the marriage or the divorce). An experienced Family Law Mediator can identify and provide limited assistance with the required court forms and procedures.

When parties submit their cases to a Judge the parties lose any influence they may have over the outcome and, we can say with firm assurance, those outcomes are often-times devastating to at least one of the parties.

Unlike submitting a dispute to a judge, when parties opt for mediation and want to resolve their case, they can fashion a resolution that will become a judgment that meets their needs as they define those needs through negotiation and compromise. Most people understand that divorce is a “negative sum” proposition. What that means is that the divorcing spouses (and the children) are almost never as well off financially after as they were during the marriage. However, by mediating a family law case, the parties can mitigate and control the negative outcome and work with the mediator to find resolutions that will meet the needs of the parties, rather than the system—and all without having a grumpy judge growling at them! Ideally, parties who turn to mediation to resolve their family law matters will never have to see the inside of a courtroom or see a judge. The PARTIES will make the decisions for their own lives.

Private Family Law mediation is not free, but it is cost effective and efficient. Typically, even the most complex meditations cost the parties less than simplest cases that go to trial. If the parties choose mediation and cooperate with the mediator and the process in getting their case resolved, the case will be done in days or weeks as opposed to months or years in the courthouse and at a cost that is a fraction of what it would be to try the case.